Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
