i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
