I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
