Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
