"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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