she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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