Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
