Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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