you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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