Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
