why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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