I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
