I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We need to get me chipped asap
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
