You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
