glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
