There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
