I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
