Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
