i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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