i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
