a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
