Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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