She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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