My first STD was from a foam party
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
