we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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