i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
