As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
