Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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