sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
