If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
