Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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