Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
