Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
