this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
