One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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