Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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