I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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