I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
