Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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