Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
