here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
