I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize