dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
