considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I need a burrito and a hug.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
