hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
