I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
