just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
