I will die if light touches me.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am available for nakedness
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
