We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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