I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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