i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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