I want to have your abortion
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize