i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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