If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
