Life is so much better after having sex.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
