He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
