dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
