He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
