so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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