I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
