Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
