Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
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I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
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I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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