I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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