I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
