Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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