I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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