So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
