During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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