Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
